I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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