I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
bring money and cleavage
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
