I hate all girls vehemently.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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