Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
