On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
