Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
