afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
