He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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