so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
