I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
