She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
