Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
