I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
It's blow job season.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
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