Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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