All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
