So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
