Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
