Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
