She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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