I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
