What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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