I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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