They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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