To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
