I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
