It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
