I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
