Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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