dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
