Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
