Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
