i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
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