yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
