Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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