Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
