kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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