College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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