Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
