i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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