So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
there was a trapeze. enough said
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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