apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm sobbing to NWA
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
