Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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