my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
