My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
