So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
