Christians are straight up FREAKS
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
My pussy is not your playground.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
