This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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