dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
i need some magic done to my vagina
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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