so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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