you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
