i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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