Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
