mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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