there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
