We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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