i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
