Having a random hookup so left but love u
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
