I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
