The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
