I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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