if you like me you must not know who I am
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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